So a doctor walks into a bar...

From what I've heard, a cancer patient will never forget the day they were diagnosed. My case isn't different but I can't really say that I remember because I was told I had cancer. On Nov. 16th, the day in which I should be celebrating the day I was born, I sat patiently for a frisky doctor to tell me I have a bad case of skin cancer; Malignant Melanoma (the most dangerous form of skin cancer according to  google) to be exact. I don't know if I would remember the exact day if it were any other day, what I do know is I will never forget the look on my doctors face as I walked down the hall into the cold and dull room to wait for him.

I wish I could say that I yelled to the God's "Why me!!!" or that I was angry but I can't. The saddest part for me was seeing the look on my mom's face ( another thing I'll never forget). I think this has to be the worst part of cancer. Seeing your loved ones look and feel so helpless is by far worse than death. I think that is the moment where you know you have to keep strong and fight. I also saw and keeping seeing  this as a way to become a stronger and humbler person which I suppose is what I've always seeked anyway. Besides seeing your parents cry every other minute, the worst part is having to tell people. There is no guidebook or the do's and dont's on how to break it to everyone you have cancer and not the good kind. I remember telling one of my bosses, "Hey, how are you? Oh, by the way I went to the doctor and I have cancer...Ba da bing". Probably not the best way to tell someone but I promise I have since gotten better at telling people. I will admit I wrote emails that never were sent, phone calls that were hung up before a hello until I finally decided that the most important peole knew and I wouldn't lie if someone asked me what was going on seeing as I was late to work or absent most days, became a hermit and moved to Seattle over night for treatment.

So Why do a blog?Well, besides the fact that I might be either bored or in lots of pain, I debated this for a long time. I'm not a big fan of exposing your life in a facebook update or writing about what you do everyday but I searched and searched and really didn't find blogs from people with melanoma or ones that I could relate to. I wanted to share my experiance in hopes that it would help some other 23 year old kid or hell, even a 60 year old adult, who is scared, needs a laugh, and doesn't want to feel so alone. I hope that this can inspire them to keep strong, not feel so alone and smile on the day's it's just too hard to smile.

                                                        (2 weeks before I was diagnosed)